The (Un) American Dream

As I have previously mentioned, I am prone to jumping on bandwagons. And the American Dream is the ultimate bandwagon you can jump on….mostly because all your friends will already be on it and you won’t be alone. More so if you are an Indian kid. But for me this wasn’t a bandwagon I was jumping on. It was a real dream…one that involved sweat, and tears, and career risks, and application fees, and missing out on friends, and working hard.…minus the blood. Plan A was simple. Get fantastic GRE scores, write a cracking application, qualify for the dream university, get a full scholarship, make your parents proud, and be the hot topic of every conversation and the star kid!!! ( for once!!)

The perfect plan…which derailed at about step four. The American Dream was crushed, resulting in materialization of Plan B…which was “Go somewhere else. Anywhere”. And that is how I landed down under. The opportunity to finally move out of home, change countries (continents), and study at one of the top schools in the world should have made me “over –the-moon-happy”. Instead it only showed me what I thought I was missing. I had patiently waited my turn for years, watching friends and relatives all move one by one to the land of dreams, believing that I would soon join their ranks. After all those days of waiting, my current opportunity almost seemed like a consolation prize.
Though outwardly I was happy there remained a strange feeling of dread and unhappiness that wouldn’t go away. This particular feeling remained even after I started the semester at University, toured the city, found a place to live, and slowly got the hang of public transport. I almost resigned myself to the internal turmoil when one fine day, the sickly feeling disappeared, although just for a little while. I had just finished setting up the apartment with my first ever room-mate and we were both enjoying a cup of tea. For one glorious moment, or rather the entire morning, I felt completely at peace. The ever present dreadful feeling was replaced by an “I can’t believe I am here” one. Over the days, to my pleasant surprise, the “I can’t believe I am here” made an appearance many times. Like the time I made a bunch of cool friends, or when I developed a taste for beer over one summer, or my “first and most memorable roadtrip”….Also the one time I learned to surf (sort of), or the first time I saw whales, or the one stormy night I sat at a beach, in gale force winds, snacking on samosas!!! (well not technically gale force but saying “40kmph winds” will most certainly cramp my style 🙂 !!!) or the numerous times I go exploring the campus and always find something new. I always “cant believe I am here” when I am doing things I doubt I would have been able to do anywhere else, like sample some kangaroo meat, or dance in a supermarket aisle without anyone else taking the slightest notice, or take a nighttime stroll past a cemetery!!! “I can’t believe I am here” always appears whenever I take a walk through this beautiful city. I have slowly discovered the joys of living alone, of standing on a bridge watching the skyline in the middle of the night…the freedom that only comes when you are far far away from home.
Over time, as I discovered the best coffee place, the best desert place, the one “tucked away in a corner” bookshop, and a favorite nook under a tree by the river (possibly the best yet..!!) I started to fall in love with this place. “I can’t believe I am here” is now my constant companion. American dream aside….Living in this city taught me to make the most of the situation you are in…it’s not always as bad as it seems. Carpe diem folks…you never know what will tug at your heartstrings!! The “unexplained feeling of dread” now seldom appears….and when and if it does all I have to do is simply walk a few blocks to the river and watch ducks go by…and before I know it.. “I cant believe I am here!!!”